Posts by MaryKN

23

Help with acceptance for JW family still in

by MaryKN in

well, it's been a long time!

i first lurked here around 20 years ago and read huge amounts of threads which certainly helped when i was making my decision to leave the religion.

i was never baptised (resisted it!

MaryKN

Wow thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate it and I've taken on your words. Throughout the time I have left, I have worked really hard at my anger and resentment. I do meditate, and try very hard to be grateful for what I have and also realise that other people have it tougher. My family are actually really good people, unfortunately they just believe complete rubbish. It's how it affects family relationships that really bothers me. Also that they likely lie awake at night sometimes worrying about me dying in armageddon.

They are very devout. They have always been very into it, but it seems that in the past say 5 years they have gotten more extreme. Because the arguments and frustration when trying to reason with them was having a big impact on me emotionally, a while back I decided that I had to look after myself and no matter how tempting, I would not engage in any conversations about it. I think they find this harder than when I was challenging them. Now, things are left for perhaps a year and then one of them will confront me, say they want to talk about it, do I have any questions. Despite me asking them not to bring it up - many times! This is either in person, on text or social etc. Because I am really not sure where else to go after I have explicitly asked someone not to raise something and then they do, what I do now is ignore the comment, pretend it didn't happen, and resume a later unrelated conversation later on. I guess I'm not sure what else I can possibly do! The thing is, when I get these messages or confrontations I get very conflicting emotions - I am very angry that they have disrespected my request but at the same time I know they are coming from a place where they really think that they need to help me. And this sends me in a tailspin of depression and frustration for days as it is all brought back again. And it also hits me that they haven't changed or won't.

I do need to accept it I agree with you all. But how can I help the emotions that I feel at these times? How can I get them to just stop bringing it up - ever?

23

Help with acceptance for JW family still in

by MaryKN in

well, it's been a long time!

i first lurked here around 20 years ago and read huge amounts of threads which certainly helped when i was making my decision to leave the religion.

i was never baptised (resisted it!

MaryKN

@moreconfusedthanever honestly at this point I feel like its hopeless. I do not think my family will ever wake up and that's whats hard. Many people have left who have grown up at the same time as my family and with each one I think, maybe my parents next. But instead of that, they seem to go the other way. This is what I am finding so difficult - just finally realising that it's never going to happen :(

23

Help with acceptance for JW family still in

by MaryKN in

well, it's been a long time!

i first lurked here around 20 years ago and read huge amounts of threads which certainly helped when i was making my decision to leave the religion.

i was never baptised (resisted it!

MaryKN

Thanks Wake Me up (great name btw) - this is a good way of thinking about it. Do you get texts from your mum though as well as face-to-face. I find its easier in person as I just very obviously change the subject but on text its a rant. Which after much self-control, I ignore. And then get really upset about! I do like this analogy though, thank you very much.

23

Help with acceptance for JW family still in

by MaryKN in

well, it's been a long time!

i first lurked here around 20 years ago and read huge amounts of threads which certainly helped when i was making my decision to leave the religion.

i was never baptised (resisted it!

MaryKN

Hi all,

Well, it's been a long time! I first lurked here around 20 years ago and read huge amounts of threads which certainly helped when I was making my decision to leave the religion. I was never baptised (resisted it!) but had family very much in at that stage. Leaving and telling my family that I didn't want to be a JW was one of the hardest things I ever went through. Now, 20 years on my family are even more indoctrinated, though I never thought that could be possible. My father and siblings are all elders/wives of elders/pioneers. I don't know of any witnesses that are more devoted then them. I went through a lot of drama when I made this decision - arguments, tears, heartbreak from my family, the usual.

After a while, (and it did take a while!), I realised that the only way I could keep my sanity in this situation was to not talk about anything JW related whatsoever with my family and do the best I could to not be bitter.

I have a good relationship with them, as much as it can be I think. It's been ok. We talk and see each other as much as we can (we live a distance apart). Though I've explicitly stated I don't want to talk about anything religion associated many times - they can't help themselves. Lately, a message from one of my siblings has made me really depressed. It was all the usual stuff - we are in the last days, please listen etc. And it made me think - they really are never going to leave. This is always going to be the situation. And I have to just keep gritting my teeth and ignoring the messages. Then continuing like nothing was said. I can't see any other way but this. The frustration I feel if I ever try to talk reason to them is immense and the attempt to reason is pointless.

So, the point of this message. I'd love to know - has anyone been in my situation and truly successfully accepted this? That things will be always be like this with their family, that they will always be JW, that they will never change, that they will never have doubts or at least doubts that they will act on until the day they die? If so, how? Does it still make you very sad? Do you think you'll always be sad about it? Are you still angry? How do you deal with it? I'd love to know or get any advice from people who believe that they have truly accepted this and made peace with it. I'm not sure I have ever truly accepted it and that's what I really think I need to do.

Any help would be so appreciated.